I'm beginning to think that my brain can no longer house my thoughts. My depression has become so crippling as of late. Do you want to know what the worst part about that is?
I have no control over it.
Depression has stolen more from me than my failures ever did. First, it took over my thoughts. Then, it robbed me of my ability to focus. Relationships. My personality. The list goes on.
It leaves you dying. Slowly.
Only then will the world gather around you.
And do absolutely nothing.
I miss being well.
I miss not waking up in a cold sweat to a racing heart.
I miss feeling when my illness was merely a chapter and not the entire story.
I wish I could go back to the version of me that felt alive.
Imagine waking up from a restless night only to realize that you'll never experience a beautiful day again.
I've completely forgotten how to give myself the grace that I deserve.
I'm not even going to try and make myself happy today.
Why?
It's a temporary hell. I do know that eventually I will feel human again.
It may take a while to get there but the ride will make me stronger in the end.
I hope.